ice cream, boiled egg, red horse and jose cuervo

다시 한국어, 프랑스어와 독일어를 공부하ㄹ 거예요.

2012-02-10T23:45:00.001+08:00

I made up my mind. I will not go anywhere unless I become part of AKTV or a company where I could use the languages I learned in college (Français, Deutsch and 한국어). Working overseas is also an option.

Finally, I can now say that I have goals in life. If none of the above mentioned happens, I'll stay as a banker of BPI 'til I retire.

Don't be surprised if I change my mind soon, I'm still on the stage wherein people are still not sure yet of what job they really want. Studies have proven that already. I'm just 23 and I still have 6 more years to go.

2-year-cycle

2012-01-24T21:18:00.001+08:00

I've been here.

And doing it again.

I need to be outta here in the next 4 months. I've learned well and I know that once I am out, I should not be regretting it in any case.

If I need to go back to where I was before, I will. I just don't want to see myself pushing into something stable but doesn't give me any satisfaction.

Make me feel useful and proud, I might stay with you forever.

Define USI

2012-01-12T18:46:00.001+08:00

They don't have any business here but they still keep on roaming around, asking questions and wasting their time for nothing in particular.

Irritating sons of bitches.

This is what it feels like to be queued. The worst part is you're being packed in a line because of people known as USI.

Blank

2012-01-12T07:02:00.001+08:00

I don't wanna be left alone. But I don't wanna move.

I've got no plans. I've got no goals.

This is still the same ol' shit me.

oh how i miss you!

2011-12-17T12:30:00.002+08:00

I finally had the time to reset my password. Now I can access you again.

Was in hiatus for more than 2 years.

Welcome back darling. I still love you to the moon and back. <3

2009-07-16T21:50:00.001+08:00

I can no longer find any satisfaction in any aspects of my life.

I'm not as happy as before and I hate it.

my 21st birthday with my students

2009-04-23T20:11:00.002+08:00

Though my birthday wasn't a blast and I wasn't able to celebrate it with a lot of people, not to mention that I'm kinda workaholic, it turned out to be a great one.

I have always been the loud teacher who doesn't have too much patience for kids, well it usually depends on my mood. One of my colleagues said "Patience is a virtue and you don't have that virtue". Partly true ;-) But, on the contrary, eventhough I can't live a day not being angry with my students they still love me. Not that I'm just assuring myself that they do, they showed it last Friday. One group class entered the room while singing a birthday song for me and after that, they read letters which they prepared as presents for my birthday. Even though they can't actually make a lot of grammatical sentences, they still tried their best just to write a letter in english. And there is also a group who even prepared a cake made from a pile of choco pies. They even thought of preparing that eventhough they can only see me through webcam and I can't even actually eat it. They almost made me cry. That was so nice. ^^

Well, the other group classes were so behaved that day.

It's nice to be a teacher after all.

(*this is a late post. ^L^)

Wanting Something

2009-04-06T22:33:00.001+08:00

I'm thinking of a new title for this blog.

"Ramyon, egg sandwich, emperador and bacardi 151"?

Does it sound good? Na-ah.
"tuna, corned beef, egg and sausage"? It's not nice. I'm used with the current title but I want to change it. I don't actually know why I want to change it, I just feel the urge to do it. I just want something new.

--- have a great April dear April^^*

The Goals For 2009

2008-12-30T19:42:00.004+08:00

I always have goals for the coming year before a year's December ends. Well, I only have them but as much as I can remember, it's usual to have only 1 or 2 of the goals to be fulfilled. Well, let's try to make this one realistic. I am not typing this one just to have a "list" but to have a checklist.

What I would like to do this year...

Lessen my addiction over flip flops and stilletos. I should get over it for the moment.

Wake up early and never be late even for the grace period. (Well, I failed on this one already. This will sart in February.)

Imagine a life where cost-cutting is a must. Well, maybe "practice" is a more appropriate word than imagine ;-)

Read a whole book first before switching to a new one. Year 2008 is a year when I only read the first one hundred pages of the book and just put it on the shelf and read the first 100 pages of a new one.

Drink less liquor. Well, I'm starting to do this right now and I'm quite successful. Kudos!

Convince my partner to drink less liquor too. (This is quite impossible. I'll just convince him, it's worth a try.)

Be a more responsibe daughter and sister. Define responsible? I'm not quite sure yet how to define it.

Pretend that I am blind whenever I see a Starbucks logo. (Wooohooo!! Common darlin', it's pretty hard. Well, remove your contact lens if you know that there's a Starbucks coffee shop around. ^^)
Buy polo shirts. Polo shirt looks good on you. :-)
Buy more pants. You need them.
Save money and save energy. I need to get an MA. I know I cannot enroll by June so I should save money to be able to enroll by second semester.
Be a more responsible teacher. This one is the easiest of all the goals. I'm a dedicated one and I'm very proud of it. ;-)

That's it for now. I'll try to think further. I'll just edit this one... maybe tomorrow... I don't know when.

I would like to write again

2008-12-11T17:07:00.005+08:00

After several months of not writing anything, at this very moment, December 11, 2008, 5:08:11, I come to a decision that I'm going to write again, or maybe "type" again.

After I graduated from my beloved university, University of the Philippines, I didn't find any time to practice what I once loved to do: writing. Maybe it's because, I already have lots of work to do. I don't even find time nowadays to clean my own room. I'm a fulltime English instructor and a part time "wife". Well, I am not yet married but that's the way I see it.

I wake up at around 10 in the morning, take a shower, fix myself, pack my dinner and then go to the office. I work from 2 in the afternoon until an hour before midnight. I arrive home at around 12midnight. After arriving home, I eat and then watch tv and sleep at around 3am. That's how my life works now. Obviously, it isn't identical to what I used to do before. Well, only similar with one thing.

Three years ago, I used to go to school 4 times a day. I only pretended that I was studying, but in reality, I wasn't. I went to school by that time to see my friends and to drink liquor late in the afternoon when all our classes had ended. There were times that I skipped my last class to be able to drink liquor early. O yes, I did read my notes. I 'somewhat' studied. If not, I wouldn't graduate from my University. The best part was when I had so much things to do. I experienced being awake for more than 48 hours. I loved cramming. I loved doing different things at the same time. Oh! I still do love those by the way. Doing research is my second honey. I love doing research even for no reasons at all. I like writing. I actually fell in love with it but the big problem was, the feeling wasn't mutual. Writing didn't love me back. But, that's alright. I still have the title "frustrated poet".

I was a part time student and a full time alcohol drinker. I loved that kind of life. I wasn't that settled that time, well, even right now but there's a big difference. I used to fight with my boyfriend 3 to 4 times a week. I didn't like being with him often. I enjoyed being with my friends and new people rather than being with him. Now, I'm totally different. At least, the same with one thing: I'm still an alcoholic. I still drink liquor every night.

Well, I kinda realized that this is really what LIFE is. I can not say that I don't have social life anymore since I still go out, only seldom though. I still talk with people and interact with them. My world became large. I now interact with people from other countries 5 times a day. That's a big change. I prolly know a lot of things now than before. I learn different things from talking with kids and adults. I don't just settle with what I know before but I'm stretching my mind to insert more knowledge in it. I like it actually. :) But, I would be lying if I will say that I don't miss my old routine. Maybe after 4 years of doing this kind of routine, I will forget the past one. On the contrary, I don't want that to happen.

It's hard to make money. And it's more hard to be a grown up. You'll do things you've never expected you'll do. Sometimes, I hope I could just be a kid forever. But when I think of the different journeys I experienced and will be experiencing, I can say, I'm lucky to be the greatest animal that have ever lived: human.

And I regret..

2008-07-30T18:21:00.004+08:00

I feel like I've spent much of my time for nothing. Wait, that's an exaggeration! Not for nothing, but I feel like I've wasted it. I should've gone to other companies if I predicted that things will go this way. As if I am Nostradamus. O yes, I feel like I'm regretting things to the top of my lungs but can't find a way to shout it out. I'm thinking about that Sofitel Philippine Plaza dream of mine, if they called me 4 days earlier, I wouldn't have been in this position. And maybe, if I waited for Cla or Ms. Christine's call before I try and try until I find, my mind would be in an excellent condition.

My limbs are getting weak. After 24 hours, I reacted. Maybe I have neurological disorders that's why my sensory receptor is disorganized. I can't react too easily. It takes 24 hours for my brain to work. See how slow my reflex is? Maybe this is not anyone's fault but mine. Yes, here it goes again. The blame is on me since I always blame myself and I don't have the talent of pointing finger on other people. Good job!

It's sad.

breathe in and out

2008-06-27T22:49:00.003+08:00

I keep trying to understand.. of this thing and that thing...

No. That's Duncan Sheik. It's not me.

I'm feeling excited for the next ten minutes. Finally, the hour I've been waiting is coming.

I realized that I need an exercise. Maybe this is the reason why most of the time I feel so stressed. How about depression? What do I need to do to get rid of it? People should call me Ms. Depressed. Though it isn't visible.. I know, I'm faking things.

Birthday on Friday the 13th and other stories

2008-06-13T22:04:00.003+08:00

So this is life...

Welcome to the big world AJ! ^^

Alright, I've been in front of the computer for 3 weeks. I don't find myself missing my own laptop since I'm using a computer 8 hours a day. I have limited internet and I can surf whatever I want but I need to make sure the big B's are not around. ^^

O well, I'll probably get used to this kind of life. I need money. That's the big REASON.

___________________________

Hey. It's Jeff Neil's birthday today and it is Friday the 13th. What a memorable day!

Happy Birthday honey bebsh!

high and dry

2008-03-19T17:31:00.002+08:00

and then again, i can't understand myself. i just do forget how to think right. my insides are eating me up again for some reasons i can't actually point out.

o yes, i'm in love and i'm pretty sure about it but the feeling entwined with this emotion is bullshit. i just can't explain. naiinis na ko magisip.

AJ for the coming 2008

2007-11-01T01:22:00.001+08:00

I've been terribly not me for a month. I mean, not that I am getting worse but I'm getting too good. The things I have practiced before can no longer be manifested through my acts. Well, this doesn't mean that I was extremely a deviant before, just enough ;)

If you were introduced to me or interacted with me a year ago and more and then suddenly had no or less communication with me, you would say that I am not the April Joy you knew before. I mean, I have been through a process of innovation though some parts were just transformed. Haha! I'm talking as if I'm just a piece of wood but that's the best explanation, I suppose.

One of the major reasons why I speak like this right now is the way I love. Yes, you read it right. For the first time in history, I can say that I felt so deeply in love; considering this feeling as 'first love. Ok. Before, I always say that I don't know what love really is but this time, I truly believe that I already discovered the meaning, or maybe someone have taught me the true meaning of love. *cheesy* But that's true, Jeff Neil is the best teacher or maybe tutor at the minimal position. He was the one who taught me some things which I didn't know before or maybe didn't realize before...

You are not supposed to agree with everything others subject you to do. Try to think of yourself first
Live for others and not for yourself only.
Sweetness is not measured by material things, it's through sincerity.
Don't grow your nails too long. It doesn't look good.
Some things/incidents should be left unspoken.
Try to hide your feelings, you will learn a lot more.
Put in mind: your significant other will always be there, though not visible, so don't worry much.
Money is not the best thing in the world. (1/4 of my belief only..see? It's quite a change)
Envy is not a good thing. Some things are just for others and some things are just for you.
We are unique.
Try to level your jokes. Some are funny but some do hurt.
Love only one but you can interact with more than one.
Loving and daydreaming aren't paranormal. They just tell you that if you do these, you're just being true to your self.
Not everything which happen to your life should be told to your friends. You must keep something for yourself.

(There are lots but I already forgot the other things.. Maybe not forgot but I just can't remember them right now.)

I dont know how & I don't know why but he made my daydreaming sessions all worth it.

I love him and this is the best feeling I had ever felt in this lifetime. :)

sembreak = boredom

2007-10-28T01:36:00.001+08:00

Photoshop is the best cure for boredom. And this is one of my attempts. Well, it does look good for me (FYI: this is my favorite picture of us). Love him so much in this picture ~.~ I miss Kalbo. Hay.

masaya ko :D understatement

2007-10-13T19:19:00.000+08:00

2007-09-19T14:48:00.000+08:00

What's worst? It's when you're sick and you're alone.

I miss him and I miss us.

2007-08-27T22:29:00.000+08:00

i have already concluded everything.

walang magawa. survey. missing this :)

2007-08-05T00:59:00.000+08:00

THREE NAMES THAT PEOPLE CALL YOU:
1. aj
2. april
3. abril

THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR
LIFE:
1. jan 23?
2. feb 20?
3. 041788

THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE
LAST 33 MINUTES:
1. nagtext
2. lumagok
3. nagtype

THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY:
1. drink beer
2. smile
3. laugh

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT
PRESENT:
1. flakes - jack johnson
2. breathe - anna nalick
3. breakdown - mariah and bone thugs

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE IN
THE OPPOSTE SEX:
1. eyes
2. smile
3. nails

THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO
RECEIVE:
1. bagong laptop
2. yung astig na tv, mga more than 100 in. na pag may ganon ka, di ka na tatayo sa kinauupuan mo.
3. townhouse :p

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. tumawa
2. makipagtsismisan
3. manlait :)

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR
HOLIDAY:
1. japan
2. china
3. finland

THREE FAVORITE CARTOON CHARACTERS:
1. dora
2. bart
3. jerry

THREE GIRL'S/BOY'S NAMES:
1. pia
2. sam
3. mary :)

THREE MALLS YOU USUALLY GO TO:
1. sm north
2. gateway
3. trinoma

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE FASTFOOD:
1. mcdo
2. kfc
3.

THREE SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED:
1. cvsu
2. pns
3. UP Diliman

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS:
1. kape
2. beer
3. emperador

THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG:
1. cell
2. id
3. notebook

THREE PERFUMES/COLOGNES:
1. sikreto ni viktorya
2. bench yung violet wateber
3. yung lacoste na pink

THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
1. green
2. viloet
3. pink

THREE EVENTS YOU'RE LOOKING
FORWARD TO:
1. birthday ng may birthday
2. birthday ng may birthday
3. at birthday ng may birthday

wala sa hulog

2007-07-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

this is the very first time thet i've heard the term "wala sa hulog". but it's ok, i'll use to explain the present sate i'm dwelling.

i don't know how to answer myself. i don't know how to handle myself either.

my laptop had crashed totally and i lost all my mp3s, not to mention that they are over a thousand songs that are so rare to find, my past linguistics' papers that made up my whole life in UP, my pictures (the sagada, hawaii, davao and session moments) and all those stuffs which i love so dearly.

i'm feeling depressed and tired though i managed to sleep until noon this day.

i'm missing people but i'm not in the mood to see them or maybe can't find a way to see them.

i wasn't able to watch simpsons 'cause i cant find anyone to accompany me.

i don't know if i still recognize the feeling of being in love.

i want a new life, a new atmosphere, a new house and a new hobby.

nagmumukmok ako kasi wala ako sa hulog and i just don't know why.

transparent

2007-06-09T20:02:00.000+08:00

A boy wearing a white shirt with a Puerto Galera print was sitting with two girls and laughing like hell. His eyes were tired but he was still managing to open them. He was loaded with alcohol and grass as well. He talked non-sense but his presence wasn't unwanted.

Before morning, his shirt became half white and half gray. He had bruises. He was extremely pissed off.

_______________

Iya and Aj's life are so colorful. Unexpected moments are always shared by those two. Because it's so colorful, sooner, it will lose it's color and will become either, transparent or black and white.

2007-06-05T21:06:00.000+08:00

After assuring me that I'll get three instead of INC, he encircled 1.25 in my Linguitics 125 class card. Haha!!! Aldrin still loves me though I never felt any love for him. :D

2007-04-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

Then he said, "You're first draft is due on monday." I was shocked. I never realized that everything wouldn't fall in its proper location. Just as after I decided to give much attention on my studies, desperation came running after me. Yes, it caught me. I'm not yet in the proper mind to write a story. O well, I can write a story but not the kind of story which I will proudly say as results of the team work of my heart, mind and hands. For sure, it wouldn't be story enough to be presented in my creative writing class. Reality slapped me again. I'm not a writer. I don't have the potentials to be one. The heart and magnificent mind of a true writer can never be mine.

2007-04-22T13:13:00.000+08:00

I definitely hate it when I cry but I love the feeling when I do. Sometimes, I just don't want to speak-up. More words results to more conflict. I just don't want to fight, I'll cry instead and just make myself feel better.

- These are sincere words of a certified loser.

I should be happy now, I'm somewhat settled. Nonetheless, it was better when I was alone.

UP deceives the masses while money turns the world upside down.

2007-04-14T23:27:00.000+08:00

O yeah baby, the summer heat is on and I still look so pale. I dream of getting tan. I think the color will really fit on me. But the Puerto Galera and Pagudpod getaway will remain a dream for this season. The summer class is going to start on Monday and I have no choice but to stay in this crap school. O yes, you read it right. It's crap school, not cram school.

Just finished enlisting a subject yesterday. I have six units for this term, Linguistics 125 and Creative Writing 100. CW100 was never been a part of my plan but, due to the new system, the so-called 'Real-time enlistment', implemented by the CRS team, the elective subject I'm supposed to have didn't come my way. I had no choice but to enlist that CW100 because if not, I will only enroll 3 units this summer.

UP is getting worst. I should have never entered this University. UP deceives the masses. Corruption is everywhere and you can even observe it in the very minimal act that the administration does.

O well, I need to find a job. I'm having a very unproductive life and I'm just wasting every minute and seconds by just bumming. Should i enter the call center world or the online tutorial for Koreans? No need to think of it. All I know is I should earn money.

Days are fast approaching and I'm growing older. It is my birthday on Tuesday and unfortunately, I will not be able to celebrate it with a blast. First of all, my 2 phones retired and I need to kneel to my mom so that she will buy me a new one. Second, I need to choose between celebration and phone and because I want a new cellphone, it means I should forget about the celebration. That's quite alright but still, I want to be with my best friend Jose Cuervo and Red Horse on my birthday. Huhu.

Life is getting too selfish to AJ. My school is such a crap, I'm slightly not interested with the subjects I have, no beach bumming, no celebration for my 19th birthday and lastly, no phone for me.

vacation

2007-04-04T20:06:00.000+08:00

Vacation. If i'm going to give it a new definition, it will be...

vacation n. a time to gain more weight by sleeping, eating and bumming

o yeah. i hate vacation. i hate it also because there is no allowance every vacation.

2 weeks of boredom, here i go. zzzzzzz.

2007-03-15T11:18:00.000+08:00

I don't really know what made him mad. He just loves to make some implications on the things I said and do. His hypothesis making hobby always results into misunderstanding. Damn. I don't like what's happening right now. It's making me realize that after all, we are still naive. Yeah, I'm quite immature but I never thought that he is too.

2007-03-09T23:00:00.001+08:00

O well, the broadband wasn't in a good mood that's why the opportunity of practicing the life of an "emo" was partly taken from me for almost 3 weeks. And all these boredom and manga-once-again addiction are Smart's fault. Yes, very well said. And because shinikel has less updates, AJ will try her best to highlight some important details.

I didn't drop my Psych 101 class and since I never attended that class, I will get the first ever cinco grade in my class card.
I am not attending my korean 13 class for 2 meetings in a row and that means that my grade in Korean is also hanging.
Based on the above updates, AJ's goal for the sem: grab as many 5's as possible. whew.
Topics for Ling 170 and 180 final papers are still left undecided. In short, acads are going down.
(today) I washed my own clothes. That's an achievement. Thanks to my kagrepahan.
I'm getting too hooked with Bleach. Here I go again with my manga-on-the-go addiction. Isn't it obvious? I just love the shinigami stories.
AJ is transforming. She is no longer an emo. Wow!
Practicing more club/night life is a sign of immaturity. Yes, I'm still on the process of growing up.
I think almost everyone in my LCS barkada are turning bisexual, homosexual and even trisexual (if that term does exist)
Our tambayan is not only a bahay sugalan, it is also a bahay inuman. O yeah, more gin.
I miss Yanie Medina. Haha!
Less tambay + more beer + more gin + more yosi + more manga + more pusoy/tongits = AJ
I have complete attendance with alcohol. If only sarah's, drew's and my room can give me a grade, I'll surely get an uno for not missing any drop of alcohol.
AJ loves RnB especially Jojo. hehe.
I now have an all in one syoting. He's a dad + kuya + barkada + boyfriend in one.
I'm in love and I'm pretty sure with that.

2007-02-20T05:01:00.000+08:00

O yes, finally i came up with a decision. It's really hard to think when you always push the fast forward button.

______________

But I swear in the days still left
We'll walk in the fields of gold

-Sting & The Police

if yours is seven, mine is seventeen

2007-02-17T16:42:00.001+08:00

Finally, I'll be going home in Cavite in an hour. (Hope that my feet will allow me to do so.) Though I'm not really a home buddy, I just realized that I need some time to talk with my ever dearest Ate. We are alike in a lot of ways, we almost think the same, but she's more religious and I am more of a vice worshiper. But, when it comes to reasoning, we're almost having the same wave length. Before, it was only her who cries on almost everything. Now, I'm also like that. I cry everytime I watch a movie. I cry on songs. I cry on books and not to mention, even manga. But, I ain't just like her who cries whenever she feels the burden carried by other people. One more, we love stories about destinies and serendipities. We are both pathetic and we somewhat believe in omens.

Today is February 17, 2007 and I consider the number 17 as an omen. I don't know why I'm seeing it everywhere. A minute ago, I decided to change the template of my blog, but after i felt satisfied with it, I saw a number 17 on the header and decided to change it. And more earlier, I read 2 volumes of Bleach and just saw a lot of 17's in there. Ichigo's mom died on the 17th of July. The Beatles' Across the Universe was also played 17 times already in my playlist and just having it's 18th time at this very moment. The number of blog entries in my multiply site is also 17. Crushinel galore also happened earlier this morning in fair. And not to mention that my birth date is 17 too. Yes, I look so pathetic that I believe in such omen. So what's with the 17? I'm really feeling like something's going to happen that's why I don't want to leave my room. I'm thinking if this is the right time to go in Cavite or should I just cancel it and go home by next Saturday. There's just something in my mind that's telling me to move up and say it but I just can't. This omen-serendipity thing is burning me to hell. It's keeps me hanging. It makes my day miserable.

So now, Aj, what's with 17? If you feel like saying it, then say it. What's so bad in trying?

_____________________

This is the first time that i feel so loved. (What my family is showing me is an exception to that first time.) I'm feeling great and very happy. That's an understatement. :)

2007-02-16T13:28:00.001+08:00

dear blogger,

valentines day had ended few hours ago, and just like what i said several years ago, Vday isn't such a big day. it's just an ordinary day wherein someone who had said he loves you will ignore you and will make you feel like you did or said something wrong. well blogger, i might had said something which may be considered below the belt but i didn't know that i will receive such a reaction. since i did it a lot of times, though this one seems quite serious, i expected that he will not put in mind all that i said.

he had changed. yes, he did. he's no longer my regular kuya. i can't see myself laughing and drinking alcohol with him again. there might also have no very very early in the morning visits. no more exchange of movie stories while sitting in a place where you will get uncountable mosquito bites. no more simple text message which will make me feel ok. there'll be no one to offer me a cup of coffee and a breakfast. no more texting until 5 am. no one will break a conversation and say "ang ganda mo". no one will be there to accompany me while working with a whole night long paper. no one's gonna ask me a stick of cigarette in the middle of the night. no more "wait for me please" lines. no one's going to say to cut my nails. no more 'pilitan' to go somewhere. a jacket will no longer be available whenever i feel so cold. no one's going to drink my shots whenever i look quite tipsy. no one will tell me stories which come from outerspace. a joker might not exist anymore. i got used to all of those and yes, i think i lost my kuya, the very special kuya i once had. though i should not say that i lost him cause i could never call him mine for i could never call myself his.

well, these are just the results of over analyzing things, a hobby i can no longer erase in my being.

since i implicitly and explicitly dumped him several times and he just stayed the same, i never thought that the last implicit action of dumping him will change almost everything between us. and i never thought that after that, i will realize that i'm starting to see him without the kuya image and will start to feel that i like him and moreover, love him. yes blogger, i do. however, i'm still not sure if he really does love me but one thing's for sure, he already gave up and the opportunity that was once already in my hand had loosen the grip i was trying to maintain for a little more time. yes, it's my wrong. but this is it, i never thought that i will fall for him*. and before i realized it, the one whom i thought to whole heartedly catch me is no longer there. now, i'm the one who's ditched.

yeah, for the first time, i'm hugely regretting the actions i thought were right. though i'm not really sure if he really lost the passion, his actions tell me so. why now? why not before i felt this stupid feeling? well, i shouldn't blame anyone, i'm the one who should be blamed. he showed patience and effort but instead of thanking him for doing that, i even told him to fix himself. well, i'm the one who should fix myself. am i right? i can't even make a decision and whenever i feel that my decision is perfectly planned, it still results into the destruction of my own self.

i love him... maybe not tomorrow or not for the next ten years but what's important is i love him today. i really do.

desperately waiting for an advice,
aj T_T

*the same line he said to me a week ago.

_________________________
i just hope that all my speculations are wrong.

stuck

2007-02-13T01:35:00.000+08:00

i hate you but i love you, i can't stop thinking of you

- Stuck, Stacie Orrico

that line perfectly describes how i feel at this very moment. eeeewwww... shit!

rinconada and aklanon syntax and other stories

2007-02-10T21:22:00.000+08:00

o yeah. i just finished my paper for my linguistics 166 course. didn't know that all i need is to sit in front of this laptop for 8 straight hours. i was supposed to go home in cavite today but unfortunately, my sister's laptop is busted so i need to do all my works here before i leave. i was expecting that i will finish it before 5pm but due to lack of an ability to come up with a meaningful paper in just 6 hours, i'm still stuck here in my room.

o well, i will not type any sentiments today since i'm feeling a bit great about my accomplishment though nothing had really changed because i'm still alone, like before, and i think i'll always be. janyll and paolo was quite puzzled/amazed when i said yesterday that i'll be having coffee alone. there's nothing new with it dude. i always do that and honestly, i enjoy my company. :)

i remember last thursday, donna told me that she doesn't like reading blogs cause everything written in blogs are angsts. well, she's quite true. but i think that's the point of having a blog. to pour all your emotions there when no one dares to listen. and you know what's great in writing blogs? you won't expect for any responses. unlike when you talk with someone, you're waiting for a reaction but you've got none. haha! aj is an emo... pakshet!

well, well... i'm done with my first plan (ling 166 paper) so here i am with the my next plan. movies on the go again baby. i have 4 movies in line and i can't still decide what movie i'll watch first. plus, i can't fix my mind if i'll read the 5 volumes of basilisk first or read the 260 chapters of bleach which i proudly downloaded 2 days ago. hmmmm... making decisions is really one of the hardest part in living.
_____________________________

2007-02-07T01:40:00.000+08:00

and now i'm laughing alone. a big thanks to the deathnote7 forum - funny death note images page. those are so cool. XD if i have just seen the pictures a bit earlier, maybe i was laughing like no tomorrow for hours. haha. :)

with just a simple text message

2007-02-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

after a week of containing it, i finally burst out and cried like hell. though i didn't see myself while crying, what stef said ("tsong, namamga na naman mata mo a.") described it all.

honestly, i've been quite emotional these past few weeks. i just realized that things are getting heavier. spaces are getting too crowded. songs are beginning to be so loud to the extent that my ears can't bear it. alcohol turns hot faster. cigarette stick is being consumed with just one puff. yes, these are realizations.

i tried to comfort myself by looking on deathnote7 site for almost 3 hours but it didn't work. i bought a pack of malboro lights and a bunch of junk foods but even piattos didn't work this time. i searched for an available movie file of death note - the last name to be downloaded, but i didn't find any. i listened to my favorite tracks (not to mention that i played waiting in vain-bob marley version:a current favorite again and again) but the feeling of restlessness didn't disappear. i searched for more misa amane's pictures but there is no available pictures. all that i saw were already saved in my hard drive. though i tried almost everything, i'm still mad.

but, for a minute or two, those anxieties had disappeared. and it's because of one text. i didn't know that only a text message would make me feel fine.

i was wrong. i said earlier that as long as i have movies to watch, as long as there is an available movie file to download, as long as there is an internet connection, i'll be fine. but i just realized that movies aren't my medicine as of now, it's a text message.

thank you 아저씨 for that simple complement. you made me feel well even just for a couple of minutes.

_____________________
now, i'll do what i posted here few days go. it will no longer be words, it will be an enactment. thanks to you who made me realize how dumb i am. kudos!

the horoscope for today says...

2007-02-05T23:36:00.000+08:00

this is my 3rd attempt to jot something here. i tried before i left my room this afternoon and another one when i came back. the prestige movie might have made me feel well to finally formulate some sentences to share with my blogspot.

i woke up around 2:30 this afternoon. because i wasn't feeling well since last saturday, i decided to declare my own holiday today. i didn't read any readings and didn't accomplish my first draft for my linguistics 166 class. o well, my friend said that no one passed the required paper though.

after waking up, i did the same old routine: (1) looked at my phone to check any messages and to check the time (2) sat in front of my laptop and opened it (3) logged in in yahoo messenger (4) opened multiple tabs in mozilla (5) checked any new e-mails in my yahoo account, logged in in friendster and multiply (6) checked daily horoscope in my yahoo page. i always check the forecast for my horoscope though i don't really believe in it. i'm just trying to look if it really fits me. well, the forecast for february 5, 2007 somewhat seriously hit me. it says:

Are you suddenly falling for an old friend, dear Aries? This may have you confused and a little frightened, as you've never viewed this person in this way before. However, this person probably does reciprocate the attraction, so don't completely write it off. Consider this: could this person be a strong part of your future? How well really do you know each other? Do you respect this person the way you should? If the answers to these questions are positive, give it a try

i've tried to deny to myself what the first line is saying for a number of days, maybe 3 or 4 days. i just don't want to accept it. o well, ok, i admit it. finally. i can't believe that the horoscope is really describing my present state. but i think i'm just on the verge. sooner or later, it will disappear. ok... i'm seeing who he really is. he isn't fake after all. yes, he's nice though i always say that he isn't. i was just trying to convince myself that he belongs to those 'unlikable' people around me. but, at some point, i realized that i'm just fooling myself. it makes clear that no matter how much trick i put, i will never win because it is my own self whom i'm trying to joke. i know what's true, i know how i feel so how can i deceive myself? can somebody tell me how? please.

i experienced this before and honestly, it wasn't successful. darn. i just made myself miserable for half a year. hella, that's so long. but, this is it, after that 6 months, i finally made myself ok, no damages done. well, will it work now? i'll just observe for the following days and if there's no changes, i think i'll be dead. eeeeee...

getting out of the topic, i just finished watching the prestige. and again, it's one of the best movies i had ever watched. it is so cool. the fact that it's confusing makes watching it a good exercise for the mind. plus, christian bale and hugh jackman are hot, hehe :)

i found some lines from that movie which i consider ear magnet.

sarah: i want you to be true to me, no tricks, no lies, no secrets. do you love me?
alfred: not now. no.

(ang sakit lang non no?)

olivia: it's inhuman to be so cold.

(yeah. right.)

cutter: take a minute to consider your achievement. i once told you about a sailor who described drowning to me
robert: he said it's like going home
cutter: i was lying. he said it was agony.

(it is something to think about)

2007-02-04T16:29:00.000+08:00

olryt. i haven't eaten anything except for lemon square cupcake and 2 bite size macadamia covered chocolates this whole day. i can't drink my medicines because i haven't eaten anything good. i can't eat because i don't have money. i'm fuckingly broke and i'm sick.

but, i'm somewhat happy because of the line i heard yesterday night. this is an answer of a guy to the question, "mahal mo ba siya?"

hindi.. hindi ko yan mahal. mahal na mahal...

it sounds like a joke and it's quite cheesy. but, to tell you honestly, kinilig ako. i can't imagine that he can say that in front of his friends. he has a factor of sweetness hidden behind his sleeves. haha.

some thoughts while having hot peppermint mocha

2007-01-31T12:43:00.000+08:00

i wrote this in a piece of yellow pad while seating alone yesterday night in a not-so-comfortable seat in starbucks katipunan, the one in front of miriam college. o well, nothing new with it since i always seat there or in any coffee house alone. there were just maybe 3 times wherein someone had managed to accompany me.

yes. i am a loner and i know i've said it more than a hundred times. sometimes, i just want solitude. i don't want people around. but, with the other part of that sometimes, i, just like other people, want someone to be with me. but reality fuck tells me that no one wants to be with me. how sad right? but i have come to live with it. i have indulged in this kind of life so why dare to rip every piece of my mind to think of it. but i just can't stop my mind though.

o well, this is it dude. do i always ask favor from other people that's why when i need them the most, they already arrived to the point of this so-called retirement? people always opt to turn me down which makes me think that i am such an insignificant person living in this doomed world. with this single point, i have learned to accompany myself and not to ask company with anybody.

saturday... that was the very first time that i turned down all my appointments. then, i decided to think of myself first, to make myself happy not just to watch other people having their pleasure moments. well, though it wasn't visible through my own being, i used to think of them first before i think of myself. but, some circumstances thought me how to be egocentric. people thought me to put my desires and needs on top of anything/anyone else since no one would do that if i won't do it myself. i won't deprive myself of the feeling of being loved since almost everything was withheld from me.

i've changed and i think that this is for the better of my own-self.

_________

o yes, AJ is such a dumb. she wouldn't realize that someone is a celebrity unless someone asks a signature and a picture with him.

o well, there is no good with being a celebrity. there is nothing fun with living in so much fame, light and rumor. i'll figure out how sunako lives. soon, i'll be just like her.

_________

the guy in the jeepney and i almost kissed. let's start practicing looking outside the window. cheers!

answer. rush. hide.

2007-01-28T04:34:00.000+08:00

"Excuse me..." the voice from the back said as she was walking in front of Ateneo. she walked faster thinking that someone was in a rush.
"Excuse me..." the same voice said. she moved to her right side but no one passed.
"Excuse me...'' that was the third time she heard the voice with the same line. she looked back.
"Uhmmm... you're from UP right?" the man finally changed his line. with a big question mark on her face, she answered, "yeah..."

"What college? MassCom?", the man asked. "no. CSSP..." she answered back using very small words. she felt nervous. anxious. paranoid.

"I see. But you're often in MassCom right? You look very familiar... " the man started to ask. thinking of how long he was following her, she made multiple steps while speaking.
"no, i don't go there..." she then crossed her fingers. that was a sign of uneasiness but the man kept on following every step she was making.

"ah... but you really look very familiar..." the man continued as if he was trying to build a conversation. but the girl just nodded and walked without looking back. suddenly, she went inside the very first store that she saw. she felt that the man was following him until she entered the entrance door of the said store. it can be read on her face that she was scared because that wasn't the first time that it happened to her. not only couple of times but four times.

then she asked herself,

why does it always happen to me? do i look like a pick-up girl?

no. she just possesses long nails, nail enamels and an uncombed hair.

by the log, i sat down and stared

2007-01-25T01:50:00.000+08:00

for the first time in my life, i literally can't breathe. without knowing what you've done, at some point, someone might be mad at you. indulging with tunes, will it change anything? can it change what i feel? with these thoughts flying behind my mind, i think i will never be alright.

you always thought you're a loner. walking alone, eating alone, smoking alone, drinking alone, celebrating alone, crying alone and laughing alone. but what you never realize is that almost everyone is with you. mocking or hating you at some point. invisibly, they are behind your steps, counting every drop of your tears, hugging very minimal possible moment of you failing and laughing every fault you do. yes, they are with you, yet they're against you.

why haven't i followed the smoke from the start? i always wanted to do it, but before i make my step, i can't even see the trail. why have it departed so fast? if i was just able to follow you, this over analyzing would have probably stopped. every time i wanted to capture a bit of you, you have already made a way to let go of my hold.

an hour ago, i've tried to sat by the log and look at the stars, but the clouds are too thick for me to see them. even the sky is depriving me. for i, myself is taking away the happiness i could achieve in living. but the question is, is there any delight in living? this is beyond what i imagine. we just build and build theories. answering any possible scenes that would come in front of us. still, we make theories. and whatever we do, we will always be making theories. there is no absolute truth. everything are just theories since every act is defective. has anyone proven something? there is none for even the fact that people are the highest form of animal is still theoretical. or maybe i'm the only one who was made out of theory. a thought might had been raised that aj is existing that's why in the minds of the people, an AJ had existed. we make our own beliefs and still, our beliefs are based on theories made by minds declaring that they have an amber ego.

stitches, i might be needing them. fixing this disposition i created seems hard. i tried to listen to other people's stories, but my mind is still floating into somewhere no one knows where. yes, i listen and i listen well but i didn't get any of those. thoughts keep on coming inside of me, but efforts are useless, they aren't connected even in the tiniest particle. but, from those visions, death is the bottom line. am i dreaming of death or just planning of a story of my own celebrated death?

indeed, these simple instances prove that i'm a dilapidated being beyond unknown conditions. but i've never been destroyed because i've never been perfect.

at this point, i think i still don't make sense for i am the nemesis of my own self. it testifies that a collapsing mind, body and being is on its way. will a eulogy be written down for me? no one would dare to do since i don't deserve any high praise. the things i do fall to nothingness. drifting. will be forgotten.

self-destruction: the hobby i have learned to embrace. cooling down. it burns me more and more.

2007-01-23T12:05:00.000+08:00

i think i had too much at drew's yesterday. that was a good drinking session with my tambay friends. imagine, the original "cast" was just 5 or 6 people but before the session ended, we were already more than 10 and we occupied 3 tables. wow. i think we just missed each other. :)

after that, janyll dropped ivy and me in phil collins because we were about to go to cubao with dan. while waiting for dan, i played something like "mary had a little lamb/truth or dare" with the children seating in front of mercury drug. actually, it was just not because i'm a bit wasted or whatever, i just found it fun. though i was wearing skirt, i also sat on the dirty parking space with the kids. great! that simple thing truly made me happy. that's one of the greatest experience ever. bad thing, dan arrived a bit early than what i expected. naglaro pa sana kami nung mga bata. :)

o well, jewel needed some fake artists for her major's activity/homework. and guess what, i am one of those talents kuno. i played the girl who's described as "lutang na tulala". am i really that kind of person? haha! dan played the call boy role and loi played the vendor role. and we shot the short film in P. tuazon at 2 o'clock in the morning. partida! masakit na ulo ko, nasusuka ako na hindi ko maintindihan. tsk. but, it was fun. actually, i didn't do anything except from my usual activity which is buying cigarettes, seating, texting and a bit of daydreaming. (may menthol kayo? tatlo... lighter...) o, they also practiced my "crossing the road skills". haha!

__________________________

for those people with eyes popping out while looking at me playing with those kids, the hell with you! am i so indifferent? did i do something unacceptable by your so-called norms? haven't you played in the streets when you were still kids? ok. i admit. i never experienced that but i don't see anything wrong with that. yes, their hands may be be dirty, they may had not been taught with right manners as what you wanted but they are still people. they should be treated equally.

anti-masses... they are everywhere. i have no idea what philosophical and sociological concepts they are feeding in their minds to consider me a deviant. i was in my clearest mind the time i did that and i would love to do that again.

do what you want to do and i'll do what i want, just don't look at me as if i'm doing something so immoral.

___________________________
012307 - this could be considered as one of the best days of my life.

0 activity

2007-01-21T22:19:00.000+08:00

0 movie since friday. torrentz isn't in a good downloading mood so i need to save the 2 remaining downloaded movies for future entertainment craving.

discovered something which made me unfocused. well, it has nothing to do with me. we just think that, "oppaneun yoja chingureul isseul keoyeyo." it's a top conspiracy theory secret. :p

0 well, he's making me fall in love with him more. didn't know that he's also reading death note. he's also into my ever favorite manga. god, kainlab! :)

__________________________
tomorrow is kristian hauser's birthday. advance!

2007-01-19T21:19:00.000+08:00

now i know why i felt happy.

i saw him. :) he even said 'hi' to me.

it's really a nice day or should i say, a 'nice make-up day'.

a conversation

2007-01-19T09:14:00.000+08:00

AJ1: what is the first thing you did the moment you opened your eyes from a 5 hour sleep?

AJ2: smiled?

AJ1: why?

AJ2: i don't know. i just felt happy and forgot that my head aches.

2007-01-19T02:27:00.000+08:00

slept from 3 am to quarter to 5 in the afternoon.

no person to be with... to talk to... just watched 'Sympathy for Lady Vengeance'. it isn't what i expected. Old Boy is still the best movie from Vengeance Trilogy.

lonely.

good thing they texted me to have some shot.

_______________________

though it's in a form of a joke, i know, he's the only person who appreciates me the way i am.

aj's updates

2007-01-16T22:54:00.000+08:00

saw kristian hauser (i love to call him with his first name) in front of casaa. happy! i'm missing him these past few days.
missing kuya bagz :(
no sarah's. no beer. no coffee. less yosi.
- aj's motto for the day
having a movie galore since Saturday
just finished watching 'Sympathy for Mr.Vengeance'. it's really good. 2 more movies to go from the Vengeance Trilogy!
still downloading 'Stranger Than Fiction'. quite excited to watch it.
spent 200+ in 2 days. whoa! hella grepa!
have been locking myself in this room since Saturday. good girl e?
my room is still the greatest disaster
loving to stay inside my room
trying to put a gap with someone, just wishing that he'll notice and stop bugging me
the tambayan is getting too crowded. can't play pusoy because the table is occupied by the poker boys.
been listening to some mellow sounds lately
ling 166 and 170 papers have no progress
wanting to have a new phone. both phones are somewhat busted. sad.
still can't get over from 'Kidari Ajeoshi'
the internet connection is so bullshit. why is it too slow?
can't find the right chain for my cross pendant
wanting a new manila shirt
thinking of a sociolinguistics topic for a new personal research. i'm wanting to add an entry on my attended conference list. (1. davao 2. hawaii 3. ???) huh, feeling genius again?
loving Landon Pigg
my friends' birthdays are coming and i don't think i can buy them presents. that's sad.
feeling cold though it's hot. fever, are you knocking?
eating once a day is a result of kagrepahan/katamaran.
going to drop my psych101 class. i think i need a rest from studying. an LOA would do. haha!
should i try entering the call center world to finance my 'luho'?

*breathe in, breathe out*

taxi chronicles

2007-01-14T19:34:00.000+08:00

ok deary, i admit. i'm a blog addict these past few days.

ok, kwentong taxi muna tayo.

yesterday, i had a road trip with manong taxi driver (for more details, please visit:

http://maderpakshet.multiply.com/journal/item/18

2 days na kong walang kausap. nakakabaliw.

2007-01-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

it's worth staying in this room for half a day and watch 'kidari ajeoshi' (daddy long legs) again and again.

ang sarap lang talagang umiyak habang pinapanood yun. sobrang ganda.

aj's new lexical term

2007-01-13T01:36:00.000+08:00

i left sarah's early not knowing that i will be drinking with some "tropa" (as what they call me) here in palaris. though i hate the word 'tropa', i'll be using it starting today, january 13, 2007.

the more i get to know the people here, the more i'm feeling that i could never leave this place. when i think of transferring into a new house, i'm feeling excited. but when i think of how nice the people in palaris are, it comes into my mind that i will never find a home like this.

yes, they are not studying in UP; they are not like the people i meet in school; they do not talk like my friends in school; they are somewhat not having the wavelength as mine; but, they are the most socialized people i met.

they know how to appreciate people.
they know how to respect.
they make me appreciate simple things in life.
they teach me how to dream.
and most of all, they know how to make me special. it's not just because i'm the only girl, but because they know how to treat every people in their very own special way.

and that last reason i cited makes me love them more.

i do appreciate them. and i just love being with them.

__________________
enovesco was right. let's start practicing street beer drinking. it's fun, enjoyable and indeed lovable.

2007-01-11T07:47:00.000+08:00

i was surprised.

i'm having a big switch.

kwitis at watusi. pampasigla sa bagong taon.

2007-01-06T02:25:00.001+08:00

sooooper doooooper happy ko kasi after 3 months, i got a chance to have a close encounter with him again. iba pa rin ang smile niya. para ba siyang lumunok ng watusi kasi may spark pa rin. haha!! corny. ;) pero honest, sobrang happy talaga. parang di ko na nga macontain e. di ko rin kasi inexpect na makikita ko siya ulit. well, nakita ko naman siya last dec 10 naglalakad sa may tapat ng vinzon's (habang ako'y nakasakay sa cab) pero iba pa rin pag nakikita ko yung smile niya. kala ko nga nalimutan niya na ko e, pero naaala niya pa rin pala. sobrang saya ko lang talaga no? halata rin april...

i just really love the way he smile. and let's also add the rasta god look. bumagay naman kahit papano. yeeeeeehh! ang saya ko talaga.

it's nice to see you again.

i will not forget that line.

drinking and breathing

2007-01-05T10:03:00.000+08:00

maps is still playing. i just love that yeah yeah yeahs' song.

"wait, they don't love you like i love you."

yes, everyone can say that. everyone has their very unique way of loving. and because i do love, i'm happy again. ;)

still drinking alcohol and tried the bilog with calamansi yesterday night. o, i mean, earlier this morning. was with bald king a.k.a iking and jeff neil a.k.a kuya jeff and other friendly friends. just can't mention their names because since i started gardening grass, i found it hard to remember the names of people i meet.

one of the friendly friends made me remember julian - a friend from down under. this friendly friend knows wake up your seat mate, julian's former band, and we talked about how beautiful those girls are. ahehe!

that drinking session was fun, just like the drinking sessions last year. i'm always happy when i'm with them. i just don't know why but they are still the best katoma buddies in the world :)

o, before i forget, they called me dalaga for the first time. am i really transforming into a lady? hahaha.

_______________

i gardened with iya and ian in front of the library. i missed that, honestly. we are the new generation of 420 guys and evolved into 720. (*_*)

i miss my blogspot

2007-01-02T13:27:00.000+08:00

happy new year shinikel. you're going to serve me for another year again. you've been an outlet since 2004 and you'll forever be.

________

oh well, it's new year again. feeling quite excited for the upcoming highlights this year :)

it is just january 2 and i'm already here in Diliman. my mom no longer wants me in cavite. she woke me up so early and let me leave the house before lunch. so what am i going to do here?

"feel free to do everything dear aj, you are now alone again. there are no eyes around you. haha."

i can do all the self-inflicting acts once again. and i'm feeling happy. yeah! i'm really happy! bleh!

i miss LCS

2006-12-19T21:16:00.000+08:00

multiply isn't responding right now so i used this alternative... (tawagin ba daw na alternative ang blog niya since 2004..) well, i just want to say that i miss the blackhole, ate mhay's pasta and syempre, ang LCS.

night and day switched places

2006-11-22T02:35:00.000+08:00

i slept from 7 o'clock in the morning until nearly 6 o'clock in the evening. woooohooooo!!! my back aches a lot. tsk. and because of that very long sleep, i find it hard to sleep again. what the... someone should give me a medal for being out of the house in less than 2 hours.Ü

all i know now is want ice cream. god, i'm craving again.
_________
oversleeping is a sign of depression. already proven.

2006-11-19T23:51:00.000+08:00

i'm bleeding... literally.

ang kuko. bow.

2006-11-17T03:40:00.000+08:00

"ang kuko na bmw inspired"

- kristian hauser a. villegas a.k.a ian

2006-10-31T18:34:00.000+08:00

i just really love my nails. and god, this is the best combination ever. kinikilig talaga akong tingnan sila hanggang ngayon.
_________

happy birthday kuya jvan.

2006-10-18T23:57:00.000+08:00

i hate that 311 song! but to tell you honestly, i'm just bitter... so what if amber is the color of her energy. i have my own color too and it's green. GREEN!!!

________
i thought i was in love but God, that was just an imagined love story... i'll end it that way, right pooh?

pito

2006-10-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

sino si seven? ano ang meron sa seven? bakit biglang nagkaroon ng seven? tang-ina, bigo na naman ako. sana mawala na lang ang numerong seven.

...

2006-10-14T22:49:00.001+08:00

am i having too much of this thing called "social life?" it's human nature... =)
_____
i'm quite killing myself... 4 cans of coke light + 1 pack of ML + 1 bottle of beer + coffee = abril
_____
i'm a total freak...
_____
when can i achieve true happiness? i'm too tired of waiting...
_____
sometimes, you can never return things to the way they were before...
_____
acads.. going down. got 4 in korean.
_____
i will never be tired of drinking. right now, i enjoy the company of my tambay friends.
_____
i miss lorie, glenn and barbie...
_____
kung pwede lang, aakyat ako sa baguio.

bakit walang pasok mamaya? ayoko pa ring maniwala.

2006-09-28T00:43:00.000+08:00

birthday ni lorie ngayon HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

pero it isn't all that...

in love po ako. wehehe!!!

12 hours of sleep

2006-09-23T20:07:00.000+08:00

i over slept. o yes! i really did! galing nga e. panalo sa tagal yun. i went home about 4 am and sleep as soon as i stepped into my room. then, nagising ako ng mga 10:08 am and remembered that i have an appointment with ama. i texted her that i just woke up and can't do it today. tapos nakatulog na naman ako and pag-gising ko, 04:07pm na. wow! 12 hours akong natulog at walang nangyari sa araw ko. if my memory is right, lorie said that oversleeping is a result of depression. yun nga ba yun? pero totoo naman e...

i realized something kaninang madaling araw. but, i still don't want to accept what i have just realized pero yun ata ang mas maganda, mas ok na lang atang tanggapin ko na. ayoko lang naman kasi i felt that before and that's the most bullshit feeling in this world. promise. ewan. natatanga na naman ata ako.

____
it's better to be alone. it's better to talk to yourself and to accompany your own self than not showing the real you when you're with other people. tama ba ko?

3 of a kind

2006-09-21T14:35:00.000+08:00

it's been more than two weeks since i cursed Rino and until now, my spell hasn't worked yet. hindi na ata talaga siya magpapagupit. He is wearing a maroon shirt today and God, to tell you honestly, 'maganda lang talaga ang buhok niya'. I saw him 15 minutes ago and that's very unusual because this is the first time that i saw him at this kind of day... dude, it's thursday. akalain mo, pati thursday, pumupunta ng library yung taong yun. well, kulang na lang e pati si newly found crushinel with the very brilliant eyes ay maglib na rin. and if that happens, i will conclude that "ang pag-ibig ay nagmumula sa silid-aklatan." wahaha!

now, i'm searching for the mr. good nose and mr. good ears... after that, i will be able to draw the perfect face of a man for me. wehe! meron na kasing mr. good smile, mr. good eyes and mr. good hair.

2006-09-02T19:58:00.001+08:00

sana magpakalbo na si severino reyes IV. sumpa ko yun, as in sumpa!!! ayoko na sa kanya. that's plainly true.
___________
ang hirap maging 3rd wheel. ok lang pero ewan, ang pangit ng dating.

2006-08-29T17:31:00.000+08:00

i definitely love Ivy Joy. *hugs*

recently...

2006-08-10T20:34:00.000+08:00

i've been craving for the red hotdog, in a more specific term, Tender Juicy. i was supposed to buy one at the tinda-tindahan in front of Ilang dorm but as i counted the coins in my purse, i only had 5 pesos left.
my tummy is growing bigger again because of me being alcoholic. at last, i admitted that i am pretty addicted with alcohol.
i'm gaining more weight. i'm eating a lot. thanks to Pook Palaris.
i slept before midnight yesterday.. and it's an achievement.
i got a job again but nothing's new because i'm still working in the same house i have worked before. i am a "dakilang english tutor" once again...
i realized that Olivia "ama" Ang would be the most handsome guy in UPd if she was only a boy.
i noticed that nori is quite annoying yet, we still love him
i had a haircut and i'm planning to have a "headcut" next...
i found out that life would be so hard for me if i hadn't met IvyJoy Valencia (the source of all my informants)
they said that i'm Lorie Sibolboro II for being so addicted of going home, they're wrong...
i found out that Mr. checkered smells so nice. he sat next to me inside the ikot jeepney last tuesday and i felt so great. the only flaw was that i couldn't look at him...
severino bites back
me and stef bought lingeries
my ears are needing a test... i'm beginning to formulate strange lines which i believed as the lines my friends were saying.
i'm planning to go to qiuapo but realized that i don't have money to buy pirated dvds
my korean class for this sem started and i'm pretty doomed because i forgot the vocabs
i'm spending way far from my alotted budget. tsk. tsk.
and always, i can't make up my mind beacuse my mind is still having a journey in hell.

master of idiots

2006-08-04T01:54:00.000+08:00

i never thought that the moment we passed those abstracts to the University of Hawaii, i have already put myself into the greatest suffering i will experience in my life. honestly, i want to quit those shitness and just live life the insomniac way i have always been. i didn't expect it to be this way. i have been wasting money for that bull thing which will never give me anything in return. after going there, what will happen next? at first, i wanted to go because i wanted to experience being outside of this drowned country. i wanted to step on other land... but now, i realized that the soil there is never different with the soil here. "tangina, pare-pareho lang ang mga lupa."

i honestly can't understand myself now... all i want is to change the color of my nails once a week and to make bracelets. i feel so sick of studying formal linguistics. "kikita ba tayo diyan?" i feel so sick of the cwts, pe and GE subjects. the UP curriculum is such a crap. now, tell me, what will happen with the things i've learned from those? those things can never be used in the practical way of living. why are we here in the first place? because our mission is to live not to practice such stupid things. this world is such a dope. you find temporary pleasure at the first but after sometime you will realize that the happiness you are searching can't still be given by it. we are so addicted with this palce but it can't give us anything good. what is so good with living? there is nothing good with it. they say that in order to live, you must first experience the hardships and the failures... so, if that is the statement, i would have rather not lived. that's more enjoyable, right? or is it only me who thinks that way.

maybe it's time for me to write a suicidal note. (this line makes me laugh) i'm withdrawing myself once again from reality. i still can't figure out what's reality and what's not. yes, i'm suffering from dementia praecox...

________________________

i have mastered the art of nail polishing...
i have mastered the art of drinking...
i have mastered the art of gossping...
i have mastered the art of mocking...
i have mastered the art of making accessories...
i have mastered the art of loving...
i have mastered the art of hating...
but, i haven't still mastered the art of learning.
i'm still a moron.
i have never been a master of anything.

FIFA and Wimbledon craze are over.

2006-07-10T10:24:00.000+08:00

indeed, France lost over Italy. It is a sad news. i honestly feel like crying right now. france should have won... at least for the last game of the wonderful Mr. Zinedine Zidane. so what if he had intentionally head-butt someone? i don't care if he had received a red card, what's important to me is that he is still the best soccer player in that match. italy just waited for penalties because they know that it would be the possible way for them to win... if only Zidane was in the field, France would have won and still, for me, they are still the champion.

__________

I'm glad that Federer beated Nadal (4th consecutive win), at least he made me happy. but the sad part is that Henin-Hardenne and Sharapova hadn't made it to the top.

now, get back to reality. it's time for the fucking aklanon and rinconanda analysis.

2006-06-30T19:06:00.000+08:00

this is how it feels after not finding the *book you are searching in the library...
nagresearch naman ako pero hiniram na ata ng iba.
_____

munitkan na akong tumalon mula ikatatlong palapag ng AS papuntang lib walk,
ngunit naalala ko na hindi nga pala ako si superman.

i'm so lucky to watch a man as beautiful as him sleeping

2006-06-25T21:22:00.000+08:00

itlog

2006-05-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

i almost forgot that there's something like this existing in this world. it's more than a month since i last typed a word on this blog.

nakakhiya mang sabihin... i'm craving for alcohol and boiled egg. na naman? nakaka-high ata yung mga yun e. anak ng tokwa. i just don't know the reason why of all combinations, i still prefer those.

another perfect combination? yosi at dirty ice cream. nakaka-high din ata.

napapagod na ko sa kaboringan ng summer class. lalo naman ata kung asa bahay lang ako. pero gusto ko talaga kumain sa grappas. i will order an egg and a beer. ayus!

__
walang connections ang mga sinasabi ko. bangag!

2006-04-05T18:27:00.000+08:00

tanginang CRS yan. ngayon lang 'to nangyari sa buhay ko. wala akong naenlist para sa summer. kumusta naman ang buhay ko niyan diba? naleche na!!!

nabuburyo na ko. sana magpasukan na. pero... masaya pa rin ako. bakit? tres ako sa bio1!!! ayus!

insomnia is killing me

2006-03-28T03:32:00.000+08:00

dahil ba 'to sa sobrang kape?
kung magkagayon, lecheng Coffee Bean and Tea House yan!!!

cocktail party

2006-03-22T19:22:00.000+08:00

last night was on of the best night i'd ever had. we , me, macy, lorie and ama, were all present at eastwood and it was an unplanned night out. yes, night out! i can say, tuesday is now the girls' night out. we had a sort of cocktail party at dencio's, where you can find the best adobong kangkong i had ever tasted. at first, i just ordered my usual water, smb light and then, me, ama and lorie decided to try different kinds of cocktails and vodka. ang tibay niyo mga tsong! after one order, we ordered another and then another and then another. the waiter was even laughing at us because we called him again and again and we seemed to be ordering everything that we read from the menu. i had finished 3 shots of jose cuervo eventhough i did not have money. it was so expensive but i don't regret it. it is the best. and before we left, we ordered a pitcher of margarita. grand inuman ba 'to? sosyal niyo ha. *laughs*

i never thought that night to be as good as it was. stef said yesterday, "kahit tayong dalawa lang, tuloy tayo." maybe she felt how much i miss the usual seat and drink. kaya pala tumatawa ako bigla habang nagtuturo kasi maganda pala ang mangyayari.

guys, it was really a good night. looking forward for more cocktail party.

-- next time, jose cuervo party naman. payaman tayo para masaya.

2006-03-18T19:26:00.000+08:00

david shin made me cry.
"sorry... sorry... a hundred sorry."

it's not enough. bullshit!

the not so hard life

2006-03-17T15:51:00.000+08:00

what time is it? i've been sitting here all afternoon because of the fact that i don't want to go home because tita claire might see me. dear, you're really a genius.

i just got a 6-hour sleep earlier earlier this morning. i can't believe that i had no sleep since sunday. well, i did, but 2 or 3 hours of sleep is not enough. this week is so stressing and there is another hell week to come and that will be next week. UP is literally killing me. good thing, Nolasco, my ricky baby, is there. the hardships were paid by his only comment: "yung donde at que, ulitin niyo, gusto kong marinig... diba nakakatuwa yun...?" he's really a great prof. our batch loves him a lot. i thought he will be mad at us because we passed our paper 5 hours late. thanks to marfeal, we had managed to finish it. then, the presentation of the paper was so fun eventhough it took 3 hours of our so hectic life. after the presentation, meshi and ama went to IC to interview some japanese people for their 136 paper and i was left with lorie and estefania. it never entered into my mind that they were going to tomas so i asked, "san na kayo?"
... "tomas..." huh? i thought they were just going to eat, but no, they were going to watch a gig and because i was with them, i did also. i can't believe that we prioritized it than sleeping. but, it's a good form of unwinding from all the stress.

it's worth watching orange and lemons once again. not to mention that my darling clementine was doing his moves again and i found my heart melting like an ice. *awwwww* eventhough he's already 29 and have alot of ukab on his face. i would still love to ask him this question, "Clem, pwede mo ba akong gitarahin...?" great!!! he's one of the best guitar ticklers in the world (take note: in the world). i really like him, he's next to beckham.

sunday - lagalag sa ortigas until 2:30
- made an earring until 4
monday- chumorva kina glendaplatypus
tuesday-watched mtv at lorie's house
wednesday-paper paper at lorie's house
thursday-ratsky's morato
friday-girl's night out? (to happen)

konting eastwood naman jan. kakamis na e.

2006-03-15T21:09:00.000+08:00

TANGA ka!!! kailangan mo lang ng tulog at konting frosted yogurt mix.

______

kahit ilang minuto naging reyes ang surname ko. dahil hindi matandaan ng groupmates ko ang surname ko, ginawa nilang reyes ito. april reyes. haha! soulmate nga kami.

______

gusto ko ng mata...
hinahanap ko ang mata.

akalain mo...

2006-03-05T21:13:00.000+08:00

akalain mong nagawa ko pang mag-aya uminom nung biyernes kahit na may fieldwork kami sa cavite city kinabukasan. nagawa ko pang mandamay ng tao sa kaabnormalan ko. nagawa ko pang magpuyat at puyatin ang kausap ko kahit na ako lang ang umiinom at sumasaya sa ginagawa ko.

tsk.

masama ka talaga abril.

at akalain mo na naging dahilan ako ng pagkalate namin sa pagpunta sa lecheng lugar na 'yon kung saan sinasalita ang chavacano? nagawa ko pa ngang uminom ulit kagabi pagbalik ko kina lorie para kunin ang gamit ko...

akalain mong natulog ako mula 10:30 kagabi hanggang pasado alas tres kaninang hapon? akalain mong halos 17 hours yun? (tama ba ang computation ko?) akalian mong hindi ko alam kung tama ang kompyutasyon ko? TANGA!!!

at akalain mong hindi ako nakasimba kasama si olivia dahil sa sobrang tulog ko? at akalain mong paos ako ngayon at gumagaralgal ang lalamunan dahil inuubo-ubo. leche!!! magkakasakit ata ako.

pero eto ang di mo aakalain...

kinuha akong modelo ng Saulog Transit... haha!!!

makikita niyo na ang billboard ko sa EDSA.

panalo.

cake and ice cream didn't work

2006-02-16T19:39:00.000+08:00

i ate sweets just to remove that "bitterness inside". i thought bitterness will turn to "sweetness inside"... well, dude, you're wrong. i'm mad. that's an honest word.

they have no right to ask me this question: "bakit wala ka dun?
hinanahanap ka nga ni ralph e." goodness!!! ask me if you informed me. i
would accept it if you, guys, said: "dun kami kina ralph last time. ang saya
nga e."
don't pretend that you wanted me to be there.
don't pretend that you were really searching for me because i wasn't
there.
don't act as if you remembered to inform me but you didn't have any means
to contact me.

i hate plastic lines. we're not playing in circles here. it seems that you no longer want me to be around... ok! it will be granted...

if you didn't get my point, this is it. it happened several times. so please just stop on asking me why i wasn't there when all of you are there. nakakairita na ang linya na "bakit wala ka?". i'll give the question back to you, "why am i not there?". the answer is so simple, it's because you don't want me to be there.

still, i thank you.

___________________

hindi 'to kababawan. try to be in my position, maybe you'll understand. but, if not, maybe i'm insane.

2006-02-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

I want to be just like Malicsi's sperm + his wife's egg cell

malicsi's sperm refers to Mr. i don't know who always makes me laugh. he has those weird actions, which seems to be involunatry, and he seems to never care on what other person would say about him. yeah! he's sick but he's great. i think he is mentally retarded and i admit, i want to be mentally reatarded to.

really!!!

_________________________
your orange shirt is everywhere, screaming infidelities...

stop! that's not the song. but still, mr. reyes, you're everywhere today.
imagine. me and stef were riding a toki and he, with his friend, was standing near fa. we were going to up cashier by then and when we arrived at sc, he and his friend was also there.

minamaligno na ako ni sev!!!

well, we walked to PNB and it seemed that they were following us. (FYI: he doesn't know me) but no, they are not. they were just taking the same route that we were taking. then, i left stef outside the cashier and i went inside to join the not so long line of people. as i was seating inside that airconed room, waiting for my turn to pay the application fee for my cousin, sev took a peak inside the room. GOD!!! i found it hard to breathe. (note dear, he doesn't know me) then, after few minutes, he came in. i was lost in what i was doing.

naroon siya at di ako makahinga...

destiny nga kami.

this is an imagined lovelife so just ride on what i am saying. great!!!

_______________________
i want to write... i want to write something for you. and i am bothered of the conclusion i had formulated. no! stop! that's only an imagined future.

still need to figure things out.

remember: don't pay too much for a whistle.

ice cream, chocolate and cakes

2006-02-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

matapos ang 5 araw, sumayad muli si bestfriend sa lalamunan. nakayanan ko ang paghihintay kay beer ng 5 araw. that was a great night, i mean morning. lucky! but, i'm more lucky because i have them*. they are still the best part of UP life plus, let's not forget, ricky baby who owns the nolasco department and whom i am considering as the best professor in UP.

sana nakapasa kami sa exam kay ricky baby. ayoko nang bumagsak. pagod na ako.

________________________
i want some nipple pinching.
chichibong baby!
________________________

*ama,estefania,luli,may i see (the ice cream, chocolate and cakes)

craving for alcohol

2006-02-05T20:13:00.000+08:00

i want alcohol. at least beer. i want to drink beer the way i drink water and i did already. but, i want more. i want to replace the 5 gallons of mineral water at the top of the water dispenser by a 5 gallons of beer. i want beer. i want it badly.

i waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!!!

three flights up

2006-01-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

thought i was in heaven.

ubod...

2006-01-26T22:04:00.000+08:00

nararamdaman ko pa rin ang pintig ng mga kalamnan ko sa may balikat... marahil ay sanhi pa rin ito ng field trip sa sagada/banaue. pero, masaya yun. ubod ng saya.
ilang araw na rin ang nakakalipas, buhay pa rin ang mga pasa ko sa tuhod. masakit siya. ubod ng sakit. pero, masaya pa rin yun. ubod ng saya.

_______________________________

sabihin niyo nga? masama ba ako? ang paggiging taklesa ko ba ay hindi na maganda? sumosobra na ba? tunay nga bang hindi na ito katanggap tanggap? tama! ikaw nga, april, ay ubod ng sama... umiyak si stef... pinaiyak mo siya... patawad. ako'y sadyang taklesa lamang. ang bunganga ko ay sadyang nagdidirediretso.

_______________________________

"i don't like a family movie because i don't have a family..." - april joy c. cipriano

mukha akong nagbibiro pero galing 'yan sa kaibuturan ng aking damdamin. hindi niyo alam... akala niyo lang... pero masakit. ubod ng sakit. kaya nga mas pinili ko ang huwag na lang manood ng sine kasama ng aking mga kaibigan at harapin at kausapin na lang ang bagay na 'to. pagod na ako. pagod na pagod na...

_______________________________

drama mode. drama mode. kapit!!!

well i know, yes, i know

2006-01-19T21:59:00.000+08:00

it's been a long day and i realized how much i admire him.

------------------------------
note: admire

thoughtless mind

2006-01-11T19:47:00.000+08:00

can you imagine that? i have this kind of mind which does not function well and then, tomorrow, i will be labeled as a debater in front of my socio10 class. the main problem here is that i don't know how to debate. that's a zero experience. bullshit! how will i speak? words just come out of my mouth without particular reason and before i notice it, i'm messing my own self already. and that's what i love to do... to make myself an object of humiliation.

good april. good!

april?

2006-01-08T20:33:00.000+08:00

i wish i knew how to be me.

loud or not, it is still music

2006-01-04T21:02:00.000+08:00

Our sweetest songs are those that tell saddest thoughts.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
great mind...

-------------------------------------------------------------------
more daydream.
catch!

funeral for a family

2005-12-27T18:18:00.000+08:00

a death and a funeral had slammed my face. I was supposed to enjoy holiday season in palawan but no... i was not able to do that. a few hours upon arriving in palawan last week, my mother's sister died. so, all the cermonies took their way and i was stucked in that scene. good holiday!!! within 1 month, 2 of my close relatives died. 2 in a row... creepy...

R-O-A

2005-12-13T16:27:00.000+08:00

I've never been myself this past few days, I mean, since last week. I never used to sleep early but now, I've been sleeping for 12 hours, but still not getting tired of it. 8:30 pm and I'm already on bed? The hell, that's not me!

But, don't you like it April?
Honestly, no. I find it a hindrance for the time I had for myself. First of all, I no longer have time to attend my classes just because of that sleeping on the go thing. I can't read my books and I always forgot to remove my contact lens that's why when I wake up in the morning, it's just like I'm in Tagaytay and seeing fog all over my room. I no longer have time for myself. Plus, the fact that I'm working and so damn tired of working. Darn it!

Well, isn't it good for you?
Dude, if I'm just a millionaire, I would have just saved that 2 hours per day for myself. Years before, I always have three hours saved just to talk to myself and now, I'm facing the reality that my tongue is on its way to extinction. I no longer ask myself how she is doing. She's fuckingly exhausted with everything. Good thing, it's the last day of classes for the year 2005. And, before I forgot to say, Merry Christmas April. It's been a good year and a productive one.

You are tired. I can see it in your face, in your eyes and in your smiles. That isn't your smile. What's the problem?

Well, I'm tired of studying and almost tired of everything. If I could just sleep for all of my remaining days, I would but I couldn't. I'm not contented with what I see around me and with what I see as me. Definitely bullshit! I wish life was made to be enjoyed not to search for delight which you will not be able to find. It is just like the search for the persons you haven 't seen for a week which you could not see whatever effort you exert just to see them. Is this a hide and seek game? Bullshit!!! When will I return to my original skin? And, when will my world get back to it's original surroundings? Closer...but still so far to embrace.

______________________________________

I want more daydream in action...

i saw it through my dilapidated unknown being

2005-12-01T14:15:00.001+08:00

wish i could write just like jason wade or chris martin or much better if just like gabriel garcia marquez . i'm a frustrated poet and writer, a human being with no powers to write with a meaningful system of reasoning and creativeness.

winter roots

2005-11-21T14:32:00.000+08:00

patola't pusit on the go!

2005-11-09T20:40:00.000+08:00

ANG MGA TANGING HANDA SA PISTA RECIPE

INGREDIENTS:

2 Patola, medium-sized
1 can Ma Ling (yung malaki)
1 ½ kilong pusit (piliin yung ma-galamay)
5 pieces pastillas (mas maganda kung yung nabbili sa CASAA at Katag na nakabalot sa cellophane)
4 supot ng pancit canton
¼ cup corn oil
3 pieces Lakatan (yung medyo berde pa)
4 cloves garlic
2 siling labuyo
2 chopped onions
3 teaspoons fish sauce
pamintang durog

PREPARATIONS:

Balatan ang mga patola. Hiwain ng pabilog at lamasin sa asin. Set aside for 5 minutes.
Hiwain ang Ma Ling na parang French Fries.
Hugasan ang mga maga-galamay na pusit. Siguradong malalaki dahil lumiliit ang mga ito pag naluto. Bunutin isa-isa ang bawat galamay at itapon ang mismong ulong may mata. Balatan ang pusit at tanggalin ang parang plastic sa loob ng pusit. Tanggalin din ang lamang-loob. Tusuk-tusukin kung ika'y lubos na nahihirapan sa pagtaktak. Pagkatapos ay hiwain na ng pabilog.
I-blender ang mga lakatan hanggang sa maging mashed bananas na.
Pakuluan ang mga pancit canton ng 10 minuto hanggang sa maging lupaypay na.

COOKING PROCEDURE:

Igisa ang bawang at sibuyas sa corn oil. Papulahing mabuti ang bawang.
Ilagay ang patola at pusit. Lagyan ng 3 kutsaritang patis at pamintang durog. Sangkutyahing mabuti.
Pagkatapos ay ilagay ang lupaypay na pancit canton at Ma Ling. Haluin at siguraduhing hindi madudurog ang Ma Ling.
Gilingin ang sili at ihalo din.
Lagyan ng 1 tasang tubig at hayaang kumulo ng 5-7 minuto.
Pag kumulo na, ilagay ang mashed bananas at sangkutyahing mabuti. Set aside for 2 minutes.
Ilagay sa isang bandehado at budburan ng toppings na grated pastillas.
Ihain at I-enjoy ang tanging handa sa pista.

* serves 19 people.

si jose

2005-11-07T20:56:00.000+08:00

kumusta naman jose?

enjoying a headache

2005-11-06T14:02:00.000+08:00

nanood ako ng gig kagabi kasama si ria borja. ang tanging pakay ko lamang ay makita si neil(sana wag na siyang kumanta at sumigaw na lang panghabambuhay) at ang buong kneel on nails (ang inakalang tanging handa sa pista) ngunit sa di sinasadyang pagkakataon ay naroon din ang daisy singko. nakita ko na naman sila at naibsan ang pangungulila ko kay patola. ^_^ tunay akong natuwa sapagkat narinig ko na naman ang tugtugan nilang malupit (parang di ko sila napapakinggan sa bahay...)

Ang mga Kwento sa Kalayaan

1.sa di ko malamang dahilan ay nagpapakapraning si owen na parang may malaking problema sa buhay. nagawa pa niyang magpalibre ng smb sa akin. naghihilata siya sa labas ng freedom at walang pakialam sa mga tao sa paligid niya. umuwi siyang mukhang basura at kung may naghagis lang siguro ng bibilutin sa harap niya ay magkukumahog siyang bilutin iyon at sindihan agad.

2.nakausap ko ng matagal si jef-a na mas kilala sa tawag na jose. nais niya daw lumipat sa unibersidad kung saan kami ni ria pumapasok. nagpapatulong pa siya sa amin ni ria. pinapatanong niya sa FA kung anong mga kailangan para maisakatuparan niya ang kanyang mga balak. sadyang napakaganda talaga ni jose (mukha pa akong lalake sa kanya). napakabait at tahimik pa niya. nawa ay makalipat nga siya.

3. si caloy ay nagsalita na. nainggit siguro siya kay jose at nais niya na rin daw lumipat sa UP. ngunit, sadyang mahiyain pa rin siya.

4.nagkaroon ako bigla ng bestfriend na siyang taga-bitbit ng aking bag. ang pangalan niya ay ralph. si ralph ay sumisindi at batang adik sa dota.

5.gumagaling daw si ariel ngunit para sa akin sadyang napakagaling niya.

6.marahil ay kakabit na ng pusod ko ang daisy singko. hindi ko alam kung bakit kapag uuwi na sila ay tatawagin na rin nila kami ni ria para umuwi. nagulat ako dahil nakita ko ang sarili ko sa villa verde at doo'y uminom kasama si patola, berting, ralph (bahay niya 'yon e) at ria. sayang at di nakasama si daddy taylor (magulo daw ang isip niya), caloy (baka daw hinahanap na siya sa bahay) at oweness (wasted ka na tsong!).

7. masarap palang pulutan ang sardinas at dried bayabas. sa totoo lang, nakakaadik 'yon.

8.masakit ang ulo ko ngayong panahon na ito. nasobrahan o kinulang?

green

2005-11-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

nais ko ng green na sapatos.
kahit ano...
basta berde.

ponytail parades

2005-11-05T20:38:00.000+08:00

emo on the go.

my poor brain

2005-11-03T21:11:00.000+08:00

nalulungkot ako. wala akong magawa. nanlulumbay na naman. paulit-ulit ko nang pinakinggan ang batong bituin, di pa rin ako nagsasawa. namimis ko na ang tugtugan. nananabik na ako sa panibagong araw na darating. nanlalabo na ang mata ko. mukhang nagnanais ng magpahinga ngunit nais pa rin ng katawan kong maglakad. ngunit wala akong kasama. saan ako tutungo? nangungulila na naman ako. anong dapat kong gawin?

tutungo ako sa kinaroroonan ng nalalapit na parating kong demi-god. sino kaya siya? magkakadaup-palad rin kami... nararamdaman ko. ngunit ang pakiramdam ko ay madalas nagkakamali. tsk tsk tsk. hanggang kailan ba 'to?

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magdiwang. magpunyagi. malapit na ang araw na pinakahihintay mo, wag kang manghinayang sa panahon, dahan-dahan ang pag-abot. nariyan na. kapit lang.